©June
1998
Carol
Jane Remsburg
HOTDOGS, APPLEPIE, AND JINGLES
At the heart of
However, at certain times of
the year like the coming Fourth of July, folks just naturally wish it were our
reality. We whitewash over the ugly and
put on our best faces to entertain or be entertained by others at large family
barbecues, community events, or our employers.
These are the endurance runs. The
remainder of us hide in our homes and just hope it blows over quietly. Why all the fuss and worry? Because the latest crush of jingles is coming
our way—that’s why.
If you don’t know what I mean
about maddening jingles then your ears have been plugged for the last fifty
years. Being that it’s nearing the 4th,
well, there is always a story to tell.
Last Friday, on my weekly grocery foray, little
It was off-key, out of rhythm
and sync, and the words weren’t right, but it was still there. When I told her that she didn’t have it
right, then she besieged me to correct it for her. Being an adult, still groggy from the day’s
toils with many more yet ahead, I stopped the cart and fell into a trance-like
state while trying hard to retrieve those few silly words. Computers will do this lots of times while
attempting to process something nearly irretrievable. You may bang on their keyboards, scream, and
rattle their hard-drives, and they still stay in that locked up status. I’ll admit, my hard-drive is older than any
computer’s, but it did finally come around—and when it did, I couldn’t shut it
off.
“ARMOUR HOT-DOGS, WHAT KIND
OF KIDS EAT ARMOUR HOT-DOGS? FAT KIDS,
SKINNY KIDS, KIDS WHO CLIMB ON ROCKS.
TALL KIDS, SHORT KIDS, EVEN KIDS WITH CHICKEN POX LOVE HOT-DOGS. ARMOUR HOT-DOGS, THE DOGS KIDS LOVE TO
BITE!”
It blared out of me at full
force. Oblivious to my fellow shoppers
who leveled nervous stares in my direction.
My focus to recover that now non-politically correct jingle was total. My own computer had forgotten to reset my
volume control which was set on high to my niece’s glee.
I shook my head, my eye-blink
rate returned, and the cart began moving forward. Still I wasn’t myself. The jingle had me tightly within it’s grasp. My little Sir Echo grabbed up the gauntlet
and began an incessant repetition. Then,
all my mind could grasp were those 37 words, in order, and in tune. I began to blindly toss items in the cart in
a rush to exit the store because I knew another wave was coming soon. Not just one jingle but a mountain of them
were about to descend.
Even the computerized blips
of the automated checkout couldn’t drown out that nerve shattering jingle. No matter, I knew a way it would leave. I scrawled a blurb on a check and made a fast
escape from those curious eyes. The
foodstuffs were flung into the back of the car as Jamie kept up her
refrain. We laughed, because she knew
what was coming.
The only way to rid yourself
of an insane tune that has attached itself so uncomfortably is to belt it out. It was a very warm night, but we forwent the
air conditioning those two miles back to my sister’s house. We rolled down the windows and drove very
slowly screaming out the words to that jingle—over, and over, and over
again. Granted, we garnered even more
strange stares, but I just didn’t want to get home and have it still haunting
me.
We were exhausted by the time
we reached the house. I snatched
“MY