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©July 2009

Carol Jane Remsburg

 

Time To Wake Up From Dreamland








































 

I’ve spent the last few months in dreamland.  I got a little lost along the way, I’m not quite sure how it happened honestly.  So much was happening and about all I could focus on was home, the ailing hubby, trying to clean up the mess that is our home and doing laundry.  Somehow I missed out on the big picture of things.

 

I had goals for these months and frittered away days on end.  Looking back, I don’t know where they went but much was spent in the ‘hurry up and wait’ mode.  That’s something I hate so much.  There’s also something I thought would happen if I “had time.”  I thought I’d dive right back into the novel that was in the works from last November, the one novel that was worth half a crap.  I never did.  I spent time, cleaning, clearing away clutter, allowing it to build up, cook, make laundry detergent, discover Facebook, the Lil Green Patch, and Farm Town—which kept sending me viruses to the point my aging ‘puter gave up the ghost. 

 

Now my world is about to change again.  A little over a week ago, my niece, Mandy, one who never got to grow up with me, or me with her, moved north from Florida, stayed with middle sister for a bit, and now in with me, ‘us’ –ailing hubby, needy now sophomore college teen.  I’ll be working noon to nine, the girls will be 7-4 and 8-5 respectively.  It should leave a short window to leave him alone in a very small house with limited storage and resources.  Every time I turn around ‘stuff’ is stacked everywhere.  If I had my way, I think I’d burn up half we own.  It’s just clutter.

 

The attempt at making homemade cologne was a bust, but the laundry detergent stuff WORKS nicely and is very gentle, not harsh—and CHEAP, just a bit ‘gloppy’ which doesn’t bother me a bit.

 

Do ya see how my mind wanders?  I’ll worry about getting the laundry clean, the vacuuming done, clearing off the kitchen counters, some bleaching, and what’s for dinner, a few doc appointments for Don and wonder where the day goes.  Add more if you want yard work done.  How do people have time to work?

 

Don swears I’m like a battleship afloat without orders, full steam ahead to nowheresville but I’m sure gonna blow up the hell out of anything I find once I get there.  However without a list of chores or things I need to get done I tend to dillydally and not get much done, it’s like I have –“Oh LOOK!  A Chicken!”  Okay, so you get the picture.

 

Even though these last months have been distracting and confusing to be honest they’ve also been a healing period.  I’d be a liar if they weren’t.  Keeping as busy as possible has been my refuge, often focusing my attention on peeps who didn’t need so much of my attention, Sher to name the one, bless her heart, I don’t think she even got potty-time alone.  I was all up in her business.  It’s time to pull back and wish her well, she’s gonna be such a star.  I’ll smile, feel a warm pride in knowing I always ‘knew’ she’d be a star, and she will be.  She doesn’t need me to bolster her spirits, or anything else, and I’m kinda the sort that needs to be needed.  It’s a damned good thing Don needs me, Erin still does, and hoping Mandy does too.

 

But it’s time for me to stop messing around and playing bit parts in other people’s lives.  It’s time to pull back, do my own thing for now, for better or worse, I’m too old to be a groupie.  A fan, yes, but a groupie, no. 

 

It’s time NOT to be such a care-giver, to get out of my ‘mommy’ mode, I’ll just keep it under this roof for a while.

 

Meanwhile, “Mandy ROCKS!”  Your food is awesome, I will bow out of the kitchen save the weekends.  I know when I’m beat.

 

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