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©February 1999

Carol Jane Remsburg






The word has come down from the mount.  William Jefferson Clinton has been acquitted.  The Senate has pompously postured throughout this joke of a trial that they and the media all called an ordeal. In the last 24 hours I’ve heard the rhetoric of how they’ve endured the process, faced the facts, put it to the letter of the law, and subjected themselves to a moral stand so much that even the spin doctors have become dizzy.  What ordeal are they talking about?


All across this nation of ours—and even outside of it, you’ll find many differing viewpoints.  I guess it all depends on how you view life and our leaders.  Of course, I have my own viewpoint which is subject to dissection and bias, we all do.  However, there are certain irrefutable facts that all of us feel queasy about addressing.  He made mistakes, he lied about it, and he tried to cover it up.  Those are the bald, hairy, and ugly facts of it.


Okay, some will say that was his private life and we had not part in it—meaning having an adulterous relationship while on the job is no one else’s business save his wife’s.  Okay, some will say that lying is a part of the presidential process—even I’ll sometimes go for that one, but not for personal gain.  And, okay, some will also say that attempting to cover this “mistake” up was to shield his family, not himself—Bull-hockey!  Some will also address this as a “gray area” that has no precedent.  Well, this is the 90’s Jack, and he/it most assuredly ain’t JACK!


Let’s address the first and foremost of the items.  “He” made a mistake.  Let me clarify that as in the dictionary as he seems wont to do, William Jefferson Clinton was the recipient of oral sex, not sexual intercourse.  Does that define it enough for you honey?  I guess Monica jumped him in the hallway and he was unable to restrain her—she’s so big, and I’ve heard he’s really small.  The girls on the corner and their customers shouldn’t be getting arrested anymore because Willy deems that not as sex thus it isn’t illegal.  He might not have paid her in cash, but he paid her with emotional promises and gifts.  Where’s the true and real difference?  His middle name should be “John.” 


Still on this “first” item.  Any employer, from a Mom & Pop Shop to the biggest corporation would have fired him outright.  Okay, maybe the “big boys” may have made him resign, but he’d still be gone.  That kind of crap is history in today’s world.  As our highest ranking military officer (Commander in Chief), he should also be subject to their rules.  Guess who’d have been court-martialed and served time?  Right again—go to the head of the class!


I can go on and on simply about the first item, but I feel that’s quite enough.  Let’s amble over to the second, shall we?


He lied, under oath.  I don’t care how you slice it, dice it, or frappe it, he still lied about it.  Many even sniggered over it thinking how “cute” he was doing it.  So, we must recall about a million plus folks that have gone to jail for perjury.  I’m sorry, but lying under oath is a bad thing.  If you can’t confess your misdeeds go somewhere else where lying is an accepted practice (join up at the Senate—they’ll have some open seats in the next few years).  It’s been brought to my attention that we all make mistakes.  Geez, well, I never thought of that one!  Yes, and I have done things that I wouldn’t wish aired on national television, but nothing to rival this.  My marriage vows mean that.  Hey, if I want to head off to “greener pastures” I’ll dissolve my marriage first.  I was then asked if I was too pious or just too damned self-righteous.  I’m not.  I’ll give nearly anyone a break because I am a softy, but not in this case.  I’ll give you that reason later—I promise, let’s just see if you can find it.


Let’s address the third issue.  I wasn’t there and you weren’t there, but does it require a genius to figure out that the push was “not to have this ‘thing’ go public?”  No it doesn’t.  Any word from “him” or any of his associates would definitely promise the moon—“if.”  It doesn’t even beg the question.  Let’s get real here.  This isn’t about some back-street fellow asking his buddies to cover for him, though that’s low and I don’t agree with that either, it’s about the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES.  The idea here is that it goes without saying.  He is supposed to be our hero, the best of the best, someone my daughter can look up to, not hide from.  I can only hope her puberty is delayed enough until he is rendered impotent.  Keep in mind, the police haunt and harry sexual predators, why are they not zoning in on the White House?


Whether it’s the questions my young daughter asks or his own daughter asks, I cringe.  This is too ugly.  Chelsea deserves better.  No daughter should have a philanderer as a father, especially not one that smirks and laughs at the general public about it.  What does that tell the rest of us?  “It’s okay Honey, it was just for fun.  It didn’t mean anything.  And see, the people still love me.  So, it isn’t important.  The polls say so.”


I’ve talked with dozens of people, seen the “People in the Spotlight” in the local newspaper, the television, the radio, and the polls.  Women, generally, seem to want to smooze this over. Please, an airsick bag must be kept at the ready at all times.  I do not understand.  Perhaps it’s the hair standing on the nape of their necks, the goose-bumps, and the nausea that makes them giddy. 


Perhaps it’s the naughtiness of it all.  It’s the illicit portion that they can forgive that womankind has forgiven their men over for eons past.  After all, it’s just sex.  OOPS, it’s not “sex” at all, but something else.  He still cheated on his wife, embarrassed his daughter to death, and ruined a hero-worship that the youth of America could strive for.  What happened to John Wayne, Harrison Ford, Sam Elliott, or Clint Eastwood?  They may have been tough, but they were always true to their beliefs—at least on screen. 


Or, perhaps, I’m wrong.  Yes, mayhap I am.  Should we hero-worship this man for his, ahem, mistakes.  They like those words, the spin doctors, mistakes.  We all make them, we all try to learn from them, and most of us try not to do them again.  Hey, look at Slick Willy, he doesn’t learn from them, but he has adapted a really good smirk that the women of America really lap up.  Do they wish they were she?  Who knows?


Where are the Statesman?  The men who stood on principle and for honor?  They must be ho-hum.  Hey ladies, it’s only “ho-hum” when it’s not your man.  Jack may have been Jack for his term, but at least we didn’t know about it.  He may not have been my fan fav either, but he didn’t sully his office until we knew about it later.  Besides, he paid his dues in a way I wouldn’t even wish on Slick Willy.


Now that we’ve covered it from A-Z, the “mistake,” the lie, the cover-up, what’s next for America?  Go ahead, crucify me, but remember the truths of it all.  It’s ugly and he’s laughing at us all.  I’d pay money to see the video replay of Hillary smacking him upside his head over this.  Hey, we could make a weekly sport of it.  Sorry, folks, I apologize, but I’m not that apologetic.  It’s just how I feel.  Thanks for listening.



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